It would be unseemly to air out the new graphic-designer-and-Gildan ASOS resurrection of Crooked Tongues, but the cookie-led targeted ad following me around Facebook is really rubbing my face in it. I knew this range was coming, but I wasn’t expecting it to be an two-minute IG mood board driven tribute act to many brands that have done better things with purpose and actual provenance. I remember when sweatshirts with made-up sports teams, leagues and random years in raised puffed lettering were all the rage if your mum bought your gear from C&A, but I was tongue-tied when a doctor tried to make small talk by asking me if I actually played baseball. 31 years later I see that he was just sneak dissing my fictional athletic credentials and I hope anyone that wears this stuff gets similarly called out for wearing these fake deep visuals. That might come off as bitterness, but if mentioning the place I worked for several years evokes this over that earlier labour of love, it necessitates some distance from the new “curb-surfing” incarnation.